In order for a relationship to be successful it must be balanced - an even and equal distribution of rewards creating a stable and healthy environment in which each individual can function at their best (Walster Walster and Berscheid’s, 1978).
A balanced relationship has the potential to enrich our lives, enhance our feelings of self-worth, support us in our pursuit of personal goals, provide us with feelings of comfort and enable us to freely express love. They are “nurturing, stimulating and restorative” (Erskine, RG, Moursand, JP and Trautmann, RL; Beyond Empathy, p6)
Unbalanced relationships on the other hand are according to Homan’s Disruptive Justice Theory, one’s in which the costs and received rewards are disproportionate making one feel cheated. Unbalanced relationships may also become ineffectual, no longer fulfilling a need or they may be unhealthy in which one individual exerts power over another depleting that person of his or her energy and joy. Unbalanced relationships as a result can cause great personal distress.
The balance in relationships changes as we change and grow according to personal and external circumstances. Some of these changes are temporary and others permanent. Some long-term relationships such as marriage or the relationship between a mother and her child are flexible, adapting and growing with us. Others are only seasonal and eventually fall away. Trying to hold onto unbalanced relationships can be the cause of anxiety, fear, insecurity and conflict as one tries desperately to restore the balance. Resentment, anger, guilt, jealousy and even a critical attitude may result if one does not understand and accept the nature of these changing relationships.
A therapist’s role is to help their client accept the things they cannot change and to have the confidence and wisdom to change the relationships, including the one with themselves, that are unbalanced, unhealthy or harmful.
There is always a price to pay for unbalanced relationships. They deplete us of our energy and our enjoyment of life, they erode away at our confidence and prevent us from pursuing our dreams and fulfilling our potential. Ultimately they prevent us from functioning as a human, and of being in the world as a whole, fulfilled person.
If you are struggling in a relationship, be it with your partner, boss, work colleague, friend or even yourself, counselling can encourage you to explore areas in your life that are harmful, help you discover healthier ways of interacting with others and support you as you begin to make positive changes in your life.
We offer both couples and individual counselling.
If you would like to book your free 30 minute consultation, call us on 0783 4226 025 or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you have any queries or wish to book a free initial 30 minute consultation, please contact Chalene:
Or use our contact form.
We offer face-face, skype or telephone appointments.
Read what my clients have to say about therapy:
I’d been suffering from anxiety (and PTSD, unbeknown to me) for a few years when I started counselling with Chalene. I can 100% recommend Chalene! She guided me rewiring my thinking and helped me gain a different perspective. She made me realise the importance for self-care and not shying away from my emotions, and allowing others in to give me support.
Chalene took the time to teach me Mindfulness and mediation, the latter becoming very useful in everyday life. I was very sceptical about hypnosis but after having a few mild session of hypnosis she has completely changed my view of it. I can confidently say that since the Mindfulness, mediation and hypnosis sessions I am feeling so much calmer. And having spoken to a traine and caring professional my mind feels less chaotic. Please give it a go! - Kate
"Earlier this year I saw Chalene to assist with a phobia around needles and hospitals. During my sessions we worked using hypnotherapy to explore these phobias.
"Counselling has had a pretty dramatic impact on my life. It's helped me in so many ways, the most important being a real improvement in my relationship with my wife, friends and family.
I've become a calmer, happier, more focused version of myself and I'm enjoying both my personal and work life more because of it" - Cameron
Deciding to book hypnotherapy was one of the best decisions I have made, although I was sceptical at first it has made me stronger and helped me reassess where I am in my life now.
I feel calmer and in control of my future rather than uncertainty. Chalene is a calming influence, great listener and was completely non judgemental when we covered some difficult periods in my younger life.
I am looking forward to the future again. - Anon
At the beginning of the year, my life took a dramatic change from what had been so happy. I tried to cope with it all, but couldn't and just didn't know what to do or how to resolve it. I decided to book some sessions with Chameleon Coaching and Therapy and thank goodness I did! The help that I recieved was amazing and now my life is back on track. I would recommend Chalene at Chameleon Coaching and Therapy to anyone- I can't and don't want to think where I would be if I hadn't made that appointment.
Once again THANK YOU so much. - Gillian
"Chalene has made me find myself again and helped to put my life into perspective. I will always be grateful to her, her calming voice and wonderful journeys that she has taken me on during my sessions. These new skills will stay with me always." - Lesely
"Working with Chalene has honestly transformed my life. I have gone from being extremely anxious whilst driving (to the point that I didn't want to drive at all) to actually enjoying driving again". - Emma
"Chalene made me feel very relaxed and was very easy to talk to. After a few sessions of hypnotherapy I very quickly began to feel a lot better and a lot different. Chalene helped me with tools and ways of managing or thinking about things differently.
I would highly recommend hypnotherapy and more so Chalene to anyone suffering with anxiety or similar feelings." - Abbey
“I would thoroughly recommend Chalene. I went to her via a recommendation from another client. The therapy process has been transformative for me, guided by Chalene's expert approach, warmth and patience.
Many times along the way I would fall back a little and think I couldn't find the strength to get through but she could always see those struggles and remind me of how far I had come and that I could keep going. I found all the book recommendations really helpful as reading combined with the talking really helped me to understand why I react the way I do to certain situations and how to be able to live with a traumatic history of events.
I have been empowered to make many positive changes and found courage I did not know I possessed.
I wish anyone embarking on a journey similar to this to take courage and work with Chalene. She really is fab” - JW
Counselling for Anxiety
"I don't know what you are doing with him, but it seems to be working so far, he seems to be coping so much better." - A mum
Hypnotherapy for Overcoming Past Abuse
“Thanks to Chalene, I was able to overcome many obstacles that I had been struggling with for an extremely long time. She allowed me to go back through my past and understand the ins and outs of everything that happened.
Although therapy may seem like a daunting prospect, Chalene made me feel as comfortable as possible at every session I went to, meaning I was able to talk to her with ease.
Chalene is utterly amazing at what she does and I would recommend her to anyone who may be struggling with something in their lives, no matter what it may be” – Lucy
Stop Smoking Hypnotherapy
"7 weeks since my smoking cessation session and I’m still a non smoker, I am amazed at how simple and yet how effective the process was. Money well spent!" - Rob
"Just to let you know... no smoking... working well!" - David
" I'm so happy as I haven't touched one single cigarette, I've had cravings, but I've just not given in and it's been a lot easier with the hypnotherapy. Thanks again." - Keeley
"Still not smoking. It's been really easy. I've not had any cravings or been tempted at all so far." - Nicki
I'm still going strong, my congestion is going, my cough has gone, I'm starting to feel less cloudy in the head, my energy is improving. So those are the benefits so far, and it's only been a week!! It's the best thing I've ever done. Wish I'd done it years ago.' - Debs
Hypnotherapy for Weight Loss
"I'd started losing weight whilst seeing you, and that's continued and whilst I'm still no veggie freak I'm eating so much less than before and never eat for the sake of it! It's been a revelation meeting you, your methods certainly work!" - Claire
“Deciding to book hypnotherapy was one of the best decisions I have made. Although I was sceptical at first it has made me stronger and helped me reassess where I am in my life now. I feel calmer and in control of my future rather than uncertainty.
Chalene is a calming influence, great listener and was completely non-judgemental when we covered some difficult periods in my younger life.
I am looking forward to the future again” - Anon
“I am a very strong willed person that under normal circumstances, would overcome most things. However, when it came to sweets, I had no will power at all. I would buy a packet of mint humbugs and eat at least half a packet every day. I tried just eating one, telling myself that was enough, but my hand just reached for the bag and the rest is history.
Being concerned that we have diabetes in the family, plus I am of a certain age whereby fat is very difficult to get rid I spoke about my sweet addiction with a friend. Unbeknown to me, my friend had already been to Charlene at Chameleon for help to overcome anxiety issues. So I thoroughly checked out Charlene Long’s credentials before making my first appointment. I am a very sceptical person and was not convinced that Charlene could help me out, not even after the initial free session. But I had nothing to lose except my money so I booked a 5 session slot.
After the second visit I noticed that there was indeed a difference and I began to control my addiction without realising at the time that I was actually doing this. By session 5, I could now manage the addiction and still eat sweets but not to the extent that I used to. I now limit my consumption to one or two and not even every day, just when I feel like it. It’s great to be in control!
So many thanks to you Charlene for your invaluable help, and apologies for being so sceptical to begin with” - Simone Taylor
Hypnotherapy for Anxiety and Stress
"I sat my QTS Numeracy Test today and do you want to know the result.....
I passed :-) So happy :-)))))) Thanks so much for all your help... and for the excellent MP3 audio. It really helped." - Julie
“I have been at the mercy of my anxiety for more years than I can remember. I have tried counselling, NLP, CBT, prescription medication, herbal medication etc. etc. but still fall back in to all the old patterns of behaviour. I found Chalene at Chameleon through a therapy website and after studying her bio rigorously decided she was the therapist for me...
I was not wrong! I had 4 sessions, and can honestly say I feel like a completely different person. I no longer lay awake at night worrying about things and when faced with difficult situations I am not turning inside out trying to deal with it. I don't understand how it all works but I do know it does work!!
I would thoroughly recommend Chalene and if in doubt..... give it a go!”- B. Mason
Hypnotherapy for Public Speaking
"I certainly learnt a lot about myself through the whole journey, and a lot of that was because of the work we did. You were fantastic thank you. I thoroughly enjoyed the sessions." - Charlotte
Hypnotherapy for Phobias
"I had my first prenatal appointment today and I'm very happy to report that I had my blood taken. No panic or fuss just a little bit nervous but had a great nurse that helped a million. I can't thank you enough for all your help with my 'old' phobia :) You have changed my life and now I can look forward to my pregnancy." - Lucy